There are a million things they don’t tell you about pregnancy. If I had a nickel for every time I’ve said this in my 28 weeks of being pregnant so far…

It makes sense I guess: why would anyone really talk about this stuff unless they were going through it? Pregnancy – although a common condition – comes with weird taboos. I had never heard any of the mothers in my life speak about the very common (and often terrifying) things that happen in most pregnancies. When I got to the point of facing them myself, I was left feeling like “what the hell? Why didn’t anyone prep me for this!?” For centuries, our bodies have been seen as something to be secretive about. We keep discussions of our periods quiet. We know discharge is normal, but God forbid anyone say that word out loud. Every vagina owning human has to go through pap smears and Gyno visits, but no one talks about how terrifying or humiliating they can feel. No surprise I guess, that pregnancy and all the secret realities of it too, have been reserved for those who have the chance to experience it first-hand (but you don’t get to prepare for it. You’ll just figure it out like the countless pregnant people before you did.) That mentality is crap. This post is a collection of the realizations and discoveries I made thus far that I genuinely wish someone would have told me “hey, this could happen.”

Quick disclaimer: These are my own experiences and aren’t to be taken as gospel. If you have pain, discomfort, or anything that brings YOU concern regardless of people saying it’s normal, you should always check in with your medical team to make sure what you’re experiencing isn’t something of concern. I am not here to give advice in place of medical intervention or guidance. I may offer suggestions that worked for me, but remember: you know YOUR body more than anyone ever will. If something doesn’t feel right – trust your gut and get the opinion of a professional. I’ve called my doctor on average of once a week with questions and concerns. They are the ones you want concrete advice from, not the internet.

1.) Boob. Pain.

One of the symptoms commonly known as an early sign of pregnancy is “tender breasts.” That is a goddamn lie. “Tender” is not even close to the appropriate word to describe what they feel like in those first two months. Two weeks before I found out I was pregnant, I woke up every day in SEVERE pain. I swear, I thought I had breast cancer or that something was legitimately wrong with the girls. I mean – TEARS upon sitting up and letting gravity do its thing. Once I realized it was just pregnancy, I was relieved, but the pain remained for months. I don’t say this to scare anyone. I just wish the verbiage was different. Don’t tell me to keep an eye out for “tender” breasts. Let me know that as soon as that seed settles, my titties are going to feel like they’ve been punched by Rocky for three straight hours and that shit will stay for EIGHT WEEKS. At my very first appointment to confirm pregnancy with my doctor, I let her know how much pain I was in. During my explanation, this was her face: 

Like “Yaaaa sorry to break it to you – that’s normal. Welcome to pregnancy!” I’ve never felt more betrayed than I have by the word “tender.” (For the record, I absolutely love my doctor. She’s a gem and I’m so happy SHE’S my doctor.) 

2.) “Morning” Sickness

I know there are SOME people in my life who experienced true Morning sickness, as in only feeling sick in the morning. For the vast majority of the remaining pregnancy experiencing people in my life, it was either all day or pretty close to it, especially in the first trimester. At eight weeks and a few days, I woke up feeling more hungover than I ever have in my life. Even the slightest movement made me fight to keep whatever was in my stomach down. I was fortunate enough to never actually throw up (halleluiah) but I know it can be common to actually get sick. The timing of when it starts, ends, the severity, and length of your pregnancy you’ll have it differs for every person, but the thing I wish I knew (that’s apparently pretty fucking normal) is that it isn’t just in the morning. Good news is that for many, your doctor can prescribe some hefty anti – nausea meds that will be life savers. I still carry mine with me just in case I have bouts of unexpected queasiness. 

3.) Round Ligament Pain

I had no idea what this was until it hurt. You have two ligaments that support your uterus and they stretch as your uterus grows.

That little ligament started giving me pain at about nine or ten weeks whenever I’d cough, especially if I was laying down. The first time it happened, I thought I popped something inside of me because of how sharp and local the pain was. A panicked google search and some light massage later, the culprit was found. It really only gets more intense the bigger your belly gets. The biggest source of relief I’ve found so far is in doing Hip Flexor stretches.  

I also roll to my side if I feel a cough or sneeze coming. Not being in a flat or straight bodied position helps tremendously. Some people find relief getting onto their hands and knees as well or supporting their belly with a pregnancy band. 

A heads up for those of you who have a libido during pregnancy – round ligament pain can be really intense during sex. The first time it happened for my Fiancé and I, I freaked out after getting the worst sharp cramp (think like runner’s side stitch, but really low) and immediately thought “shit…we just triggered way-too-early-labor.” Sudden movements and extra blood flow are usually the reason to blame so utilize pillows under hips or your belly and avoid positions that piss that ligament off. 

4.) The List of Stuff You Can and Can’t Eat

Take this one with a big ‘ol grain of salt because there is A LOT of contradictory info out there about pregnancy safe food and beverage. My doctor gave me a physical paper list of foods to avoid that contained the typical things like raw fish, too much caffeine, and alcohol.

What I didn’t know was deli meat, undercooked meat like poultry, some cheeses and unwashed fruits/ veggies pose a risk of listeria contamination. From my understanding, Listeria in pregnant people is to be avoided at all costs because it’s a sickness that CAN cross the placenta and cause fetal harm. We, as those pregnant people, get to make the decision if the risk is really worth it. I personally had a REALLY hard time giving up raw fish. My Fiancé and I eat so much Poke and Sushi, people would think we’re pescatarian. I kept eating Sushi, but stuck to California Rolls and cooked rolls to be safe. Low and behold, two weeks ago, we got food poisoning. Mine was nothing more than a slightly upset tummy because I didn’t eat any raw fish, but my poor man was down and out for the count for two days with all the gloriously intense food poisoning symptoms. It could have been me too, if I had taken the risk and given in to that craving. What I wish I’d known is WHY these foods are off limits. I always thought it was more drastically cut and dry; you eat these, you or your baby dies. In reality, there’s so much risk assessment involved. I know people who eat literally everything they’re “not supposed to” while others don’t have a single sip of coffee or go near meat that’s not well done. It’s ultimately up to each of us as individuals, but I wish I’d known the why behind it all. Knowledge is power. 

5.) Core Exercises 

As an athlete and former personal trainer, I LOVE challenging my core strength through TRX training, crazy balance exercises, or heavy weighted exercises. Then I learned what abdominal separation or “Diastasis Recti” is. Basically, as your belly stretches, so do your abdominal muscles. Sometimes, they stretch to the point of your abs separating. Even the fittest person in the world will still experience even a light amount of abdominal separation during pregnancy because our bodies are dope and do amazing things to make new life possible.

My goal was to keep this minimal. The best way to do that was adjust training my core, start training my pelvic floor, and stop doing exercises that placed too much pressure on my abs. That basically meant almost all of my favorite exercises have to be put on hold until I’m cleared to resume higher levels of exercise after birth. Coincidentally, some of the pregnancy safe core exercises are now favorites that I plan to keep doing years beyond birth. They’ve even helped my lower back pain which is a huge plus as I venture deeper into my third trimester. If you ever feel like trying them, here’s my top favs:

*You should always consult with your doctor about what exercises YOU should avoid for your unique pregnancy*

• • Side Plank Crunch (Light Dumbbell in hand to amp up intensity)

• • Bird Dogs

• • Cat Cows

6.) Fucking Hemorrhoids

I have, unfortunately, dealt with these sons of bitches for a long time. Having gut issues my entire life has left me with flare ups of these painful little bastards and I DID know that birth makes them hell. What I DID NOT know is that pregnancy – as in BEFORE birth – can bring them on, too. There’s no cure besides surgery and hearing from friends who have had them surgically removed, the recovery of it makes it not worth it. Plus, there’s no guarantee they won’t come back. Sitz bath soaks, TONS of Witch-Hazel/ Tuck’s medicated pads, and Preparation H are fully stocked in my house at all times and it looks like they will continue to be forever. It could have been a nice heads up to at least be mentally prepared for the multiple flare ups I’ve had so far in my 28 weeks of being pregnant. This is another one of those things that’s potentially a mood killer. The last thing I want anywhere near these things is another human providing friction next door to them and it’s definitely not a sexy feeling to be like “Hey. My butthole is literally falling out, so no spicy time for a bit.” 

7.) Discharge Upgrade

At 23 weeks, I was getting ready to get in the shower when I felt liquid trickling out of me in more than a flow and less than a gush. It wasn’t pee (because bladder control gets trickier by the week) so my immediate fear was “Shit. Did my water just break at 23 fucking weeks?!” Obviously, the chances of baby boy being ok if I was going into labor at this point were slim. I called my doctor and instead of the normal calm “we understand the panic, but that’s normal! You’re good” she said “you need to get to Labor and Delivery ASAP.” I was home alone, my Fiancé was at work, and the hospital closest to us with a NICU was about 26 minutes away. I put a pad on and drove myself in tears to the hospital trying not to panic myself into active labor. My Fiancé met me in the ER where I have NEVER seen anyone move quicker than when they realized why I was there. More panic. We sat in a hall of L&D while they got a room ready for us. Long story short, after a myriad of tests, there was no trace of amniotic fluid. The Midwife on duty then let me know that with the extra progesterone we have flowing through our bodies, we produce more discharge that can sometimes be hard to distinguish from other fluids. They sent me home with a list of things to keep an eye out for (that all happened to be minor deviations from what I just experienced) and to come back if any of them happen. What I wish I’d known? Pregnant people have more discharge. Again, with this being something that isn’t even taught to young women beyond “you have discharge,” let alone spoken about beyond when discharge is discolored in a medical setting, I had NO clue this was a thing. *This is where that disclaimer comes in heavy. If you’re pregnant and have anything coming out of you, get your doctor’s opinion because the line between what can be normal and a reason for concern is quite thin. You know… I wish I’d known that, too.

8.) Information Overload – From doctors to influencers, there is a plethora of information and opinions when it comes to pregnancy, motherhood, parenting, and the realm of babies. I have been reduced to literal tears some days from the overwhelm I’ve felt when it comes to what to know, what to look out for, what to be aware of, what to be prepared for, and what to avoid. I’ve learned that everyone has an opinion. Even when it comes to certain facts, everyone will tell you their story, their experience, and their alternatives. The only way I’ve been able to survive through it all so far has been to weigh pros and cons, be ready for possible pushback/ backlash, and stand my ground where I can. It’s confusing enough learning all of this. Trust your intuition whenever possible.

9.) Fiery Stomach Pit of Hell (Indigestion)  – This was mild during the first and second trimester; coming on only after either eating too much or having something spicy. Holy hell – the third trimester heartburn has been MISERABLE. No matter what I eat, no matter how I lay, sit, stand, no matter how. many tums I pop Tums like candy, this shit won’t. Go. Away. I sleep on (what my Fiancé calls) a throne of pillows to keep my stomach from laying flat and I’ll still wake up in the middle of the night feeling like I’m going to throw up. I don’t feel sick or nauseous, just like something is coming up. I keep a GIANT bottle of tums by my bedside and choke down as much of that chalk that I can just to try and get a couple hours of relief. Today, at 32 weeks, I had a doctor’s appointment and told her I couldn’t take it anymore. I have meds to pick up later and my fingers are so crossed that they help.  

I could fill the entire internet with stories of others’ experiences of things they wish they’d known about pregnancy before they went through it. I wish this stuff was more normalized. I wish the moms around me as a kid felt safer and freer to speak openly about these things so that by the time I came of reproductive age, I have a deeper understanding of the realities of what I’d go through if I found myself pregnant one day. I may be having a son, but I’ll do everything I can to give him an appropriate understanding of these things, too so he can help contribute to normalizing the bodies of the women around him. Should I be lucky enough to have a daughter one day, I’ll do my damndest to help her feel armed for the battle that is pregnancy with knowledge and understanding so she can have the smoothest journey possible (should she chose to do so.)